I loved you so hard I gave you my whole heart. That meant forgiving you and supporting you and encouraging you and validating you and holding you and wiping your tears and kissing you. I made time for me on the outside I did my hair I painted my nails, I wash my hair and brushed my teeth. I wore pretty clothes and wax my pussy bald. Red and blue light therapy on my skin. I went to therapy for my mind. But I completely abandoned my heart when I gave it to you and took it back the day you made it ache for me.
No matter what I did for you and for me on the outside my heart still belonged to me and missed its true home inside my chest and my chest alone. Maybe it feels so strange to be back home because it’s been abandoned and mangled by you without me even knowing. You didn’t know what to do with it you were ungrateful and resented it and betrayed it in the end. You disappointed it for a final time when I decided it had enough. I thought you would take care of it the way I was taking care of yours. But I guess I wasn’t doing right by it either, at least not what you were in a position to receive. But you weren’t doing my heart the justice it deserved.
Everyone loves to say “love yourself” and “focus on yourself” but never says what that really means. So for me loving myself looks like not giving up on my progress and my dreams. And for the first time in 5 years I feel like I need to keep trying for myself. I’m loving myself by not giving up on me and what I have always wanted for me.
Viva La Milliee 