Without you

I wonder what the shape of my heart looks like after all its been through. The way and weight it feels in my chest is so unfamiliar it barely feels like my own. The way it beats the way it sits against all odds it still exists. I’ve poured so much of it into you trying to build and fix us that I’ve deformed my own heart unrecognizable to it very owner. This doesn’t feel like the same heart I had for years. My childhood heart light and fluttery my teenage heart heavy but free. But this. My adult heart post war feels like it’s on life support after receiving a transplant. Rocking back and forth pleading to my God in heaven to take the pain away and He did. Begging like a fallen sinner addicted to a human substance. I believed in us so hard because you also believed in us too. I saw you work yourself day and night and pleaded for you to take a break. Our dream was accomplished but at your expense which you couldn’t turn off after it was done. Now I pay the price of living without my other half. A broken dream. A broken heart. A broken soul and spirit. Heaven forgive me I tried to be what I have never known, peace. I failed but not on my own. I only wanted us to have a home. “Home is wherever you are” Maybe that’s why my heart feels this way. Because My Heart in human form has pushed me away.