Ashes to Ashes

Her betrayal acts like a cancer. Infecting my mind and getting in the way of how I receive love. Waiting for him to betray me, waiting for the pain he might cause to end all my hope and faith in love. Waiting for the worst. I want this part of me to die. I conjure it in my dreams taking shape of a Tyrannosaurus rex. Everyone around me is prepared to kill it, waiting with their guns out, but I’m the only one hiding ready to jump out the window. Why can’t I just kill it. Who is that T-Rex, is it me? These past 2 years had a greater effect on me than I even realized. And because I’m not consistently at work, I’m not able to hide from my feelings. I’m forced to evaluate my value and face my demons—decide whether or not I’m going to let them destroy me. And I am. I’ll let it consume me and the worst parts of me. I’m willing burn and cleanse myself of self doubt, unworthiness, insecurity and toxic self talk and make peace with my shadows for the sake of love. So I can rise from the darkness anew. Just like I always do.